Overcoming Porn Addiction

8 Ways to Take Control of Your Pornography Addiction

Admin — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 02:57:42 +0000

“Who’s the Boss?” 10 ways to start taking control (time management, goal setting, record tracking)

At first glance, it would seem that positive thinking and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) have nothing to do with one another. But many of us with ADD develop negative thinking patterns because we become frustrated by our challenges and frequent feelings of being overwhelmed. This negative outlook then makes it even harder for us to manage those challenges and move forward.

Practicing positive thinking allows people with ADD to focus on our strengths and accomplishments, which increases happiness and motivation. This, in turn, allows us to spend more time making progress, and less time feeling down and stuck. The following tips provide practical suggestions that you can use to help you shift into more positive thinking patterns:

1. Take Good Care of Yourself

It’s much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

2. Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For

Stresses and challenges don’t seem quite as bad when you are constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in life. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.

3. Look for the Proof Instead of Making Assumptions

A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually not reality. If you have a fear that a friend or family member’s bad mood is due to something you did, or that your co-workers are secretly gossiping about you when you turn your back, speak up and ask them. Don’t waste time worrying that you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.

4. Refrain from Using Absolutes

Have you ever told a partner “You’re ALWAYS late!” or complained to a friend “You NEVER call me!”? Thinking and speaking in absolutes like ‘always’ and ‘never’ makes the situation seem worse than it is, and programs your brain into believing that certain people are incapable of delivering.

5. Detach From Negative Thoughts

Your thoughts can’t hold any power over you if you don’t judge them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, witness it, and don’t follow it.

6. Squash the “ANTs”

In his book “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life,” Dr. Daniel Amen talks about “ANTs” – Automatic Negative Thoughts. These are the bad thoughts that are usually reactionary, like “Those people are laughing, they must be talking about me,” or “The boss wants to see me? It must be bad!” When you notice these thoughts, realize that they are nothing more than ANTs and squash them!

7. Practice Lovin’, Touchin’ & Squeezin’ (Your Friends and Family)

You don’t have to be an expert to know the benefits of a good hug. Positive physical contact with friends, loved ones, and even pets, is an instant pick-me-up. One research study on this subject had a waitress touch some of her customers on the arm as she handed them their checks. She received higher tips from these customers than from the ones she didn’t touch!

8. Increase Your Social Activity

By increasing social activity, you decrease loneliness. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way!

9. Volunteer for an Organization, or Help another Person

Everyone feels good after helping. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return.

10. Use Pattern Interrupts to Combat Rumination

If you find yourself ruminating, a great way to stop it is to interrupt the pattern and force yourself to do something completely different. Rumination is like hyper-focus on something negative. It’s never productive, because it’s not rational or solution-oriented, it’s just excessive worry. Try changing your physical environment – go for a walk or sit outside. You could also call a friend, pick up a book, or turn on some music.

When it comes to the corporate world, protocol is pretty much the religion. To know the things needed to do are the basics of productivity, but interaction and having a steady mind makes up the entire thing to true productivity. There are those who seem to work well even under pressure, but they’re uncommon ones and we are human and imperfect. To get these little things like stress under our skins won’t solve our problems. Sometimes it takes a bit of courage to admit that we’re turning to be workaholics than tell ourselves that we’re not doing our best.

It may seem that positive thinking and pornography addiction have nothing to do with one another. Many men (and women) that use pornography and masturbation compulsively develop negative thinking patterns because we become frustrated by our challenges and frequent feelings of being overwhelmed. This negative outlook then makes it even harder for us to manage those challenges and move forward.

Practicing positive thinking allows those that struggle in this area to focus on our strengths and accomplishments, which increases happiness and motivation. This, in turn, allows us to spend more time making progress, and less time feeling down and stuck. The following tips provide practical suggestions that you can use to help you shift into more positive thinking patterns:

1. Take Good Care of Yourself

It’s much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

2. Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For

This is a big one! Stresses and challenges don’t seem quite as bad when you are constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in life. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.

3. Refrain from Using Absolutes

Have you ever told a partner “You’re ALWAYS late!” or complained to yourself in the back of your mind “You’ll NEVER kick this porn habit!”? Thinking and speaking in absolutes like ‘always’ and ‘never’ makes the situation seem worse than it is, and programs your brain into believing that those around you (or yourself) are incapable of delivering.

4. Detach From Negative Thoughts

Your thoughts can’t hold any power over you if you don’t judge them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, be aware that it happened, but don’t follow it.

5. Squash the “ANTs“

6. Increase Your Social Activity

By increasing social activity, you decrease loneliness. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way! An addiction to pornography thrives in isolation. The more time you spend in healthy relationships, the easier it will be to push old, unhealthy habits aside.

7. Volunteer for an Organization, or Help another Person

Everyone feels good after helping. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return.

8. Use Pattern Interrupts to Combat Recurring Thougths

If you find yourself ruminating, as in hyper-focused on lustful thoughts or getting your next “porn fix”, a great way to stop it is to interrupt the pattern and force yourself to do something completely different. Try changing your physical environment – go for a walk or sit outside. You could also call a friend, pick up a book, or turn on some music. See this post: “ Snap out of it! 2 Techniques to Break the Cycle of Porn Addiction” for more information on this.

The Key to Victory over Porn?

Admin — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 02:22:27 +0000

I ran across this article today and have been thinking about it for most of the day. Do you guys think it would be possible to effect a change in the culture regarding pornography as has been done with tobacco? The article below is reprinted in its entirety as originally posted on LifeSiteNews.com. I hope it stirs some thought in you as it did me…enjoy!

Expert Says Demise of Big Tobacco Provides Roadmap to Victory over Porn

By Peter J. Smith

How does America, considered the porn capital of the world, get rid of the scourge of pornography? Simple, one expert in the field tells LifeSiteNews.com (LSN): make pornography as socially unacceptable as smoking cigarettes, and pave the way for laws and litigation to finish off the billion-dollar smut empire.

LifeSiteNews.com (LSN) spoke with Dr. Mary Anne Layden, an expert in treating those addicted to pornography, after a congressional briefing in the Capitol Visitor’s Center on enforcing obscenity laws in mid-June. Layden, who is co-director of the Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program at the Center for Cognitive Therapy at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, said the methods used by activists to take down the tobacco industry offer pro-family advocates and their allies a roadmap to drive the stake into the porn industry.

Fifty years ago, the United States had a culture where “lighting up” was pervasive and glorified on the silver screen by stars like Humphrey Bogart, Frank Sinatra or Grace Kelly. Today, smoking largely has a social stigma thanks to aggressive anti-smoking efforts that led to strict anti-smoking laws, such that smokers can barely find a restaurant or bar that will let them have a cigarette with a coffee or beer.

“So we are going to expect that what we did with cigarettes, we can do with pornography,” explained Layden.

The first step in the fight against porn, Layden explained, is to get clinicians and doctors to start saying publically and loudly that pornography is a problem that is destructive, just as they began saying years ago that “our patients appear to be dying from cigarettes.”

The second step is to get reporters and researchers to write articles explaining what the clinicians are saying about the harm caused by pornography.

In terms of cigarettes, she said, “we got the reporters to write articles, then we got the researchers to come in, and we stopped listening to the Tobacco Institute researchers who lied to Congress and said it’s not addictive and not harmful, because they were throwing away all the studies that said it was.”

Progress is already being made in this department, she said, as “we have got researchers who are doing research now and more research is being done on the brain responses [to porn].”

The third step is where the lawyers come in. Just as lawyers were necessary “to sue for people who were being damaged by cigarettes,” it would be necessary to get their assistance to sap the financial life out of the billion-dollar porn empire.

“So we got to get the lawyers to do civil suits and criminal suits; we have got to get the government to give money for the Department of Justice,” said Layden, “so that we can have more criminal cases.”

“If all of these people get together – the [doctors], the reporters, the lawyers, the government, the researchers – if all of them get together, we can do the same thing to [the porn industry] that we did to cigarette smoking,” concluded Layden.
Therapy, But No Detox for Porn Addict

Pornography is a real and present danger in U.S. society, Layden told LSN. The damage it wreaks is especially terrible, she continued, because there is no way to “detox” or eliminate the images from an addict’s system.

“With a traditional addiction treatment – if you are treating a cocaine addict, or heroine addict – you send them to detox,” explained Layden. “With the porn addict, we can’t get the porn out of the system; we’ve got to treat you while the addictive substance is in your system and will still be in your system forever.”

Layden stressed that even so, there is enormous hope: therapy does help people recover from their pornography addictions and lead successful and fulfilling lives.

“People do get well. I have patients who get well,” she emphasized. “It’s hard, it’s long, it’s a relapsing disorder, but they do get well. They get reasonable lives, they have marriages that are good, they can raise children, they can be godly men, they can have careers. They do get well.”

The techniques that she and other experts in the field use are designed to help diminish the impact of pornographic images (for instance, the “one-second bounce” technique helps recovering addicts avoid looking at pornographic images they might accidentally encounter) and help individuals retrain their minds to replace associations made with porn images with wholesome images.

“While the images are still buried in the brain, and can come back unbidden, she said, “it gets better in terms of their being able to control it.”

“But it’s a two year process even with motivated people. We can do it, but we [have] got to prevent more,” said Layden.

She added that men all over the country are being “bombarded” with pornography, especially what she calls the “pornography of everyday life” found in Victoria’s Secret magazines and suchlike. It is a problem that civil society must take decisive action against, she said, because clinicians are overwhelmed.

“We can’t fix this problem by pulling them one out of the river at a time and keep them from drowning. We have to go upstream and see who is pushing them in.”

Fix it Now, It Will Never Get Easier.

Admin — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 01:51:27 +0000

I was listening to the radio on the way home from work today and the “Word for Today” by Ron Hutchcraft talked about fixing our relationship with God today. He states:

Problem: the longer you wait to repair what’s broken, the more expensive it’s going to be. This is the easiest and cheapest it’s ever going to be to make it right. One day it’s going to get so bad it’s un-livable that way. But the price of repairs may be more expensive than you ever dreamed.

That got me thinking, the longer you wait to address your addiction to pornography and heal your relationships, the more difficult it will be. It may seem easier to put it off, to ignore it, to not come clean with your spouse or a trusted friend, but Ron is right, Today, it is the easiest it will ever be. It will not be easier tomorrow, or the next day, and as you wait, you will continue to lie to your spouse and hinder your relationship with everyone around you. You can listen to the entire message at Hutchcraft .com. Don’t wait until your pornography use becomes costly than you ever dreamed.

“Free Porn” or “Marriage Advice”?

Admin — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 21:57:49 +0000

What are you searching for?

I was doing a little research today, and came upon a figure that made me do a double take. Every day, over 2,235,000 searches occur on Google.com for the term “free porn.” Think about that for a second. To me, it’s humbling. Over 2.2 million people daily type in “free porn” into one search engine. Just to clarify, I’m talking about one specific term out of thousands that could be used to search for pornography. This does not include any other searches, such as “porn movies,” etc.

To put this into perspective, I thought to myself ”what else do people do online?” My first thought was getting driving directions. Care to guess how “driving directions” compares to “Free porn”? It doesn’t, really. “Driving directions” netted around 164,000 daily Google searches. Lets try again, how about “free software,” nah, only about 447,000 searches daily. OK, just for fun, how about a few more, “Download MP3″ (getting there, just shy of a million, still less than half), “weight loss” (nope, 818,000 searches/day).

With a little hesitation, I looked at “marriage advice,” knowing it wouldn’t even be in the same league as “free porn,” but I was surprised by how there was really no comparison. The estimated number of searches daily for “marriage advice” on Google is only 2334. Wow.

What are you searching for?

Can you imagine the impact on society, families, and relationships if 2.2 million people searched for “marriage advice” instead of “free porn” tomorrow? Humbling indeed.

The Red Pill or The Blue Pill?

Admin — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 03:35:30 +0000

You will come to a point in your life when you realize that you must make a choice. You can continue on doing what you have been doing, or you can drastically change directions. There may be some good intentions in what you are doing, but it may not be really effective. When you start talking about changing a behavior like pornography use, there is often some big event or circumstance that steers you down the road to real recovery. For me, the turning point came when I realized that continuing to do what I was doing would have the dire consequence of causing my marriage to fail. At that point, I had to choose. Before that point, I had the desire to stop, but really didn’t ever “do” anything different. As a result, nothing changed. After the turning point, the choice I made was to start doing some things drastically different, in fact, most everything I did changed.

My relationships changed, my free time changed, my rituals and habits changed, even my job changed. All of the sudden my life as I knew it was barely recognizable to me (for a while). Then, after a few weeks, the pieces started falling back into place in an orderly manner. Some of the new rituals and behaviors started becoming habits and the things I was doing didn’t feel like work anymore.

The “before” picture looked much different. Before the change, I dreamed of stopping, vowed I’d never go back to that computer screen for sex again, and swore up-and-down to myself that this was the last time. The difference was, I never took any action that initiated any changes in my life. The same triggers were there, the same “internet” was there (without a filter), and the same lies and secrets were there, and the same distance was there between my wife and I.

My challenge to you today, if you are struggling with pornography use that you feel you cannot stop (or any other behavior for that matter), is to take immediate action and do something drastically different. The resources are there and they will work, but only if you choose to do the work. The internet filters are easily accessible, there are online pornography recovery programs, some of which are even free (Settingcaptivesfree.com), . There are books, counselors, support groups, and friends all ready and willing to lend a hand, but you must first decide to do something different and take action if you want your behaviors to change. Which pill will you take in your pornography addiction recovery, the red, or the blue?

Friends and Addiction Recovery

Admin — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 04:17:52 +0000

One of the most influential factors in my recovery from pornography addiction was the re-development of friendships. Initially when my pornography use was discovered, there were two couples that became involved almost immediately. During my pornography addiction, I was very “closed off” from friends and family-isolating myself and my addiction. At the time, I didn’t really realize this, but once I started down the road to recovery, it became quite clear. These two couples were a tremendous support for both my wife and I. In the initial days and weeks of recovery, one man in particular became instrumental in my success.

For probably two weeks after my pornography use was discovered and confessed to my wife, I talked to Pete every day. We didn’t always talk directly about what was going on in my marriage or recovery, but we did talk about much else including our families, work, news, politics, religion, money, etc. These conversations gave me tremendous support during this time- probably the most difficult days and weeks of my life. These talks also did something much more: they allowed me to develop a genuine friendship without the previously ever-present secret of my addiction. The conversations were usually light-hearted, and we often commented near the close of the conversation that we had solved all of the worlds problems for that particular day. These phone calls left me energized to take on the day, and really helped me understand the importance of close friendships.
One of the things that makes this the most remarkable (I think), is that Pete is also my brother-in-law. That would be my wife’s brother. Let that sink in. My pornography use devestated my wife. Pete had every right to never speak to me again, instead, he became one of my biggest supports. I am forever grateful that he chose to make the decision to support my wife, me, and our marriage when he could have easily pushed me away.

If you are struggling with Pornography, I challenge you today, start a genuine conversation with a trusted friend. It could make a tremendous difference in your ability to defeat porn addiction.

Candeo Program Offers New Price Structure

Admin — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:08:37 +0000

The Candeo pornography recovery program has just announced a new monthly pricing structure. This payment structure will appeal to those who found the previous $197 price tag a bit difficult to swallow. The new plan offers a 6 month online recovery training program for only $47 per month. Relatively speaking, this is about half of what one session with my counselor cost when I started my recovery, and initially I was making appointments every two weeks.

According to Candeo, the reasoning behind the new pricing plan is two-fold, first, as mentioned above, the up front $197 was a lot of money for many of us to spend. The new structure lets you get started in your recovery immediately for less than $2 per day (about what I spend on caffeinated beverages!). The second reason is that successful recovery takes time, and by offering a six-month plan, Candeo hopes you will stick with it and be successful. You can continue your subscription past the initial 6 months at the same $47/month rate.

The 6 month program includes the following:

The initial 10 levels of recovery training
A personal recovery website with all your daily recovery tools and resources
A personal Candeo Program Coach
Ongoing advanced recovery training podcasts and education
Access to a worldwide Student Forum

The Candeo program trains you to re-wire the circuitry in your brain in order to replace your pornography addiction with healthy behaviors. You can sign up for the new monthly program by clicking here to get started in your recovery today!

Sex Addiction Counseling

Admin — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:18:36 +0000

I was lucky. When I needed to seek sex addiction counseling, I had an advantage. I already had a good working relationship with an addiction counselor. Many guys trying to manage a pornography addiction don’t have that luxury.

Sex addiction counseling was an integral part of my recovery. Checkpoint 5 is where this fits in. I describe this process as getting to the root of the problem. Every addiction is rooted in some sort of past wound. You must be willing to discover this ‘chink in your armor’ and repair it in order to be successful.

We all have things we need to deal with.

One of the things I had to come to grips with was my dad’s daily drinking. He wasn’t ever a ‘drunk,’ but he did (does) drink most every day. As much as I liked to think I had a perfectly normal and well-adjusted childhood, the reality was that I had a dad that I was not close to. When I was growing up, my dad used drinking as his coping mechanism. I chose pornography and sex. The consequence was similar: distant relationships. Once I figured this out, things really started to make sense.

In my recovery I’ve heard much frustration from struggling guys who just can’t seem to find a sex addiction counselor. My challenge is: keep trying. There are tons of addiction counselors, but not as many that specialize in sexual addiction and recovery. If you can’t find one that does, a skilled addiction counselor that you trust will do. If you are a Christian, as I am, finding a counselor with like beliefs is also important.

Finding sex addiction counseling is a necessary step in overcoming pornography addiction. Do so today.

My Pornography Addiction and Recovery

Admin — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 03:05:26 +0000

I contest that pornography has become one of the most destructive forces of our time. Pornography destroys marriages, and breaks down stable families. 12 year olds are now easily accessing images that once could only be found behind the counter in a dingy convenience store in the not-so-nice part of town, and kids are being exposed to porn at younger and younger ages. These images get burned into young impressionable minds, and, if left to its own devices, can strongly influence a child’s views on sexuality, on women, and on acceptable behavior. If you’re reading this, I’m guessing we have some things in common. I’d like to share with you a little bit of my story.

I got involved in this fantasy world when a friend of mine and I found a Playboy magazine in his dads desk drawer. I was probably around 8 or 9 years old at the time, but those images were burned into my mind and piqued a curiosity that I explored at any opportunity. (In a tribute to my father, I never found anything in my home that was even a little bit inappropriate- thanks Dad!)

After a few other exposures in middle and high school, it was years later in college that this pornography habit really gripped me. Strangely enough, at first I didn’t even seek it out, because I was taught that it was wrong, and would have been tremendously embarrassed to go out and purchase it on my own (this was prior to an easily accessible internet). It became easily accessible, however through college roommates that had porn and thought nothing of it. One of my first memories of ‘pornography’ came from the Publishers clearing house mailings. Do you remember? They sent you a page of stickers representing magazine covers that you could stick on the order form to order your magazine of choice. Well, one of the magazines was Playboy, and ever since I could remember, I wanted to stick the playboy sticker on the form and send it in! Well, independence from home, mom, and dad allowed me to finally tear out that sticker. When I was probably around 20 years old, I got that same mailer, with the same stickers, and stuck that Playboy sticker on and purchased my first pornography-a whole 12 month subscription.

It seemed it was the normal thing to do, everyone else I knew had some sort of porn stash, and I had an easy time rationalizing it because the magazines, books, and video tapes they had were much more hardcore than anything in Playboy (and didn’t even have those great articles!).

Well, I chose wisely. I attacked my pornography addiction with guns-a-blazing. I enlisted every resource, read everything I could, got professional help, spiritual guidance, and a 12 step group and went after this like a cancer that was growing inside me. I read, journaled, took notes, learned, and talked. I’ve been 100% pornography free since, and I’d like to use this site to take all of that knowledge and experience I’ve gained in my battle so that you can share in the success I’ve had. It’s not easy, but God willing, a porn addiction can be overcome.

Well, long story short, this escalated, the internet came along, and my ‘dream come true’ playboy subscription turned into a secret habit that nearly destroyed my marriage. Once my habit was exposed, I had a choice to make: Pornography or my wife. Well, I chose wisely. I attacked after my pornography addiction * with guns-a-blazing. I enlisted every resource, read everything I could, got professional help, spiritual guidance, and a 12 step group and went after this cancer that was growing inside me. I read, journaled, took notes, learned, and talked, and I’d like to take all of that knowledge and experience I’ve gained in my battle and give it to you, so that you can share in the success I’ve had. I’ve been 100% pornography free since, and I’m convinced if you do these things, you can be as well.to breaking the Porn Habit.

Thank you for taking the first step toward breaking the porn habit. Pornography has become one of the most destructive forces of our time. 12 year olds are now easily accessing images that once could only be found behind the counter in a dingy convenience store in the not-so-nice part of town. Kids are being exposed to porn at younger and younger ages. These images get burned into young impressionable minds, and, if left to its own devices, can strongly influence a child’s views on sexuality, on women, and on acceptable behavior.

If you’re reading this, I’m guessing we have a lot in common. I’d like to share a little bit of my story. I got involved in this fantasy world when a friend of mine and I found a Playboy magazine in his dads desk drawer. I was probably around 8 or 9 years old at the time, but those images were burned into my mind and piqued a curiosity that I explored at any opportunity. (In a tribute to my father, I never found anything in my home that was even a little bit inappropriate- thanks Dad!) After a few other exposures in middle and high school, it was years later in college that this pornography habit really gripped me. Strangely enough, at first I didn’t even seek it out, because I was taught that it was wrong, and would have been tremendously embarrassed to go out and purchase it on my own (this was prior to an easily accessible internet). It became easily accessible, however through college roommates that had porn and thought nothing of it. One of my first memories of ‘pornography’ came from the Publishers clearing house mailings. Do you remember? They sent you a page of stickers representing magazine covers that you could stick on the order form to order your magazine of choice. Well, one of the magazines was Playboy, and ever since I could remember, I wanted to stick the playboy sticker on the form and send it in! Well, independence from home, mom, and dad allowed me to finally tear out that sticker. When I was probably around 20 years old, I got that same mailer, with the same stickers, and stuck that Playboy sticker on and purchased my first pornography-a whole 12 month subscription. It seemed it was the normal thing to do, everyone else I knew had some sort of porn stash, and I had an easy time rationalizing it because the magazines, books, and video tapes they had were much more hardcore than anything in Playboy (and didn’t even have those great articles!).

Candeo Discount Code

Admin — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:25:37 +0000

*Edit* This Discount is over, however you can still sign up for Candeo’s great recovery program and email list. The free email list is great if you’d like to understand the psychology and physiology behind sexual addiction-Highly recommended!

For a limited time Candeo, a revolutionary new program that teaches and trains people about the nature of their pornography addiction, and how to overcome it, is offering $50 off the regular price of their program. This system is anonymous, private, safe, and completely accessible through candeos state of the art online portal. The Candeo Personal Learning System takes you through a step-by-step process to rewire your brain and shed your habits of the past.

This 2 month comprehensive pornography addiction recovery program also offers:

Access to a huge library of practical, interactive lessons
Access to Candeo’s powerful and unique recovery tools
Motivational support from a professional Candeo Coach
Access to Candeo Plus, a dynamic education and recovery support center

If you click here to go to the signup page, and use the promotional code 09qn2rjals5 when you check out, you can get $50 off the regular price of this program. I’m not sure how long they’ll keep this deal up, so I’d take advantage of it now!

If you choose not to take them up on this discount, at least click here and sign up for their free e-mail course, It’s well worth a read!